e-GOD! The New Millenium Way to Worship

Airing live via the web in about an hour from now is LifeChurch.tv 's online church ceremony. Yes, that's correct. Church On-Line!! Wow. This does make being a Christian slightly more appealing. You mean not only do I NOT have to get up early on a Sunday, but I don't even have to get dressed or leave my house?! I can attend church in my Pajamas or even Naked if I want! Holy Cow! It seems too good to be true.

While I admit that the whole idea is kinda strange at first, it IS actually a great idea. If musicians, and even the president have used the internet to reach out millions, why wouldn't religion want to do the same?! Rev Run, (former member of the Hip Hop group RUN DMC turned Reverend) has been using technology for sometime now to reach out to his fans...um er I mean congregation. He offers inspirational text messages called Rev's Words of Wisdom, that Rev himself text messages to thousands daily! I mean everyone can use a pick me up, some encouraging words every now and then.

So what's wrong with that? Nothing.... I think...
Well maybe...
Maybe not....

We all look for a path to follow and a guide to help us get there. But staying balanced is what life's all about. So basing your entire life based of of one set of word from one direction, can be very dangerous. If you read my blog every day and only did what I told you to do, no matter what degrees or qualifications or experience I had, it's still not a balanced way to live your life.

So WHO is behind this "Life Church" ?

I did some digging...
Firstly, LifeChurch.tv is on a very gorgeous website fun on the same expensive development platforms as the site for Britney Spears & The White House. Kudos to their marketing team. But being a fellow marketer myself notice some clear "red flags", as a potential follower. Main Red Flag - Lack of information. There is very little about who the cite is actually run by, and what exactly they believe. Even the page explaining what they believe, is very vague to seemly keep a broad appeal. It's also semi difficult to find out WHO they are.

(Actual photo from their website)


But it does say it eventually on the site... If you look for it. They are actually The Evangelical Covenant Church (ECC) . Er what? who? I've never heard of them! Well according to their Other website they are a church "founded in 1855 by Swedish Immigrants" (again very vague) and they are practice based on the following: "The Evangelical Covenant Church has its roots in historical Christianity, the Protestant Reformation, the biblical instruction of the Lutheran Church of Sweden, and the great spiritual awakenings of the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries." hmmm... okay well at least they are based in older more-established religions and not completely made up like Scientology...

(Actual image from their website)


Oh yes Scientology... well they ARE taking a few cues from them. Along with the beefed up new website, press & marketing push, they are also going after celebrity endorsements. Even though their entire worldwide congregation is only 278,000 (according to them), they've already got some notable followers. Their out-of-the-closet congregation so far includes, embers from the band, The Fray (I knew I hated them...) David Welsh and Ben Wysocki, AND Miss America 2008 Kirsten Haglund. Wow! That's a pretty good start. But still only 278,00 members and only 105 missionaries. Scientology claims to have 8 million followers worldwide & 3.5 million in the US, but surveys have found at most only 55,000 followers. Oh but we'll get to them another time! Well maybe this website is the Big Break this church needs...only time will tell.

I'll let you all judge for yourself, as we all do. And tune into the Life Church Ceremony Here:
JOIN THE CEREPHONY HERE

Till next time Sinners,
Your MC, Gv

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Radio Gaga - The New Lows of American Censorship

So I was driving around beautiful southern California the other day, "jamming" to some free FM radio (ONLY b/c I forgot my iPod) and taking pictures of myself while driving, and I heard the song "Birthday Sex" by Jeremih. As I listened, (I had already tried the other stations, only commercials or Nickelback on) getting ready to do my in-the-car-sex-dance to the chorus, the station bleeped the word SEX! I was shocked! (Now I HAD to listen!) Yep they bleeped it from the entire song! Are you serious?? I've heard this song on other stations in full regalia. I mean, really? Imagine if they bleeped that word Sex from other songs: "I wanna ___ you up" or "Let's talk about ____" Or marvin gaye's "____ual healing". C'mon America!!! Let us PLEASE move forward at some point. When can common sense enter our society? That's all I ask for.



I mean, who on earth would make a decision to bleep the word SEX from a song who's entire lyrical content is about "ridin' with passion" & improving "between your legs"? The announcer (media darling, Ryan Seacrest) even says the whole title when introducing the song, so why bleep the song itself? I mean as head programmer for a major southern California Top 40/Pop & Hip Hop Hit Station, WHY would you choose to do that? I mean if you think the song is perverse, then why play it at all? Hmm let's put some things together here.

So after about .005 sec of googling, I discovered that KIIS FM ..uh I mean that station I heard that song on... is owned by Clear Channel. Clear Channel for anyone that doesn't listen to Howard Stern, has deemed themselves as the social conscience of radio & media. They've been the masterminds behind such great moments in irrational censorship history such as:


The List of Songs you can't play on the radio after 9-11
A list which circulated to broadcasters by Clear Channel, which included Tom Petty's "Free Fallin", Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World", & the ENTIRE Rage Against the Machine catalog! I guess they didn't want people to think it was a Wonderful World...I guess they wanted everyone to remain afraid, and then keep them so afraid that they wouldn't want to Rise Against...the Machine. Think about it.



Zero Tolerance Indecency Policy / Killing Howard Stern
A self governed policy after the Janet Jackson & Justin Timberlake Superbowl Nipple scandal 2004. Clear Channel declared that there would be no "indecent" material allowed on the air. They fired their own employees, including popular and high-profile hosts in a number of cities & Howard Stern was dropped from six Clear Channel owned stations in Florida, California, Pennsylvania, New York and Kentucky. Howard Stern was able to fight back by getting picked up with Clear Channel rival Viacom who brought Stern's show back to those markets and sued Clear Channel for $10 million for breaking of contracts and non-payment of licensing fees due to the dropping of Stern's show. Currently Clear Channel is continuing "to battle salacious content on the airwaves" (AH Ha!) AND also makes every employee take an online training to ensure they understand the difference between indecency and obscenity. Hmm SO if it's an obscenity then it's o.k. for the airwaves? So is the word SEX is indecent or obscene? I guess it's obscene b/c it just got bleeped. had they deemed it indecent I guess they would have tried to fire Jeremih!

To what extent will they go to Censor and shield our children's eyes and ears from SATAN? Perhaps, this...



But what's this? The caped crusaders of morality city hold a yearly Christmas contest (since 2004) called "Jingle Jugs"???

What a classy name! AND an amazing product you can buy as well - CLICK HERE, formerly known as "Breast Christmas Ever" & "Holiday Hooters", that allow women to compete to win breast implants! And they EVEN provide for no legal recourse in the event of malpractice. Wow!!! What saints they are. Really truly doing God's good work. Why don't they just call it "Jugs from Jesus"? That way it will include BOTH of their favorite things. Oh but THEN... Clear Channel distanced itself from the contest, with spokesperson Jennifer Gery stating, "It's not a Clear Channel-sponsored contest; we empower our local manager to make programming decisions." Really? They do? But then why the concept "obviously floated to stations by the network in the first place". Some coincidence that four Clear Channel stations thought of it at the same time. Regardless, the contest still exists to this day.

Clear Channel has also been known to do things for the sake of the political parties that suit their agenda. Such as censoring opinions critical of George W. Bush and other Republicans & rejecting the display of an Democratic anti-war billboard (for which they got sued and lost). Besides being rumored to be in the palms of the Bush Administration, they recently agreed to lease space in the United Kingdom to the British National Party. This caused controversy and only helps fuel the previous rumors about their credibility in the United States.



Let us review. Why was "Birthday Sex" censored? Well the radio stations are owned by a hidden agenda, right-wing, likely christian, AND misogynistic conglomerate. So again why even play the song? Only comes down to one thing...Money. Now this, THIS is the thing that gets me every time with people like this. They say they have their morals, and then they go and fuck little boys, they say they have standards, but when it comes to making a dollar they will do whatever it takes. Oh but not a 100%! They still were able to fight indecency in a single bound, by bleeping the word SEX. So it's not like they caved in completely. They still did the proper, decent, thing to do...RIGHT...

When will the stupidity of radio and the American media end?
Perhaps with the end of hypocritical & vacuous companies Clear Channel OR... with the end of radio itself.

Till next time sinners,

YOUR MC, Gv



P.S.-

Watch this genius song performed stripped down by Jeremih himself. Regardless of his content choice brother can sing AND play. Really. So what if he says "Let me hit that G-spot", it's still beautiful, god dammit!



Or for more entertainment WATCH this video of a hottie getting ready for some Birthday Sex! CLICK HERE FOR A FUN FACEBOOK VIDEO

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Going out with a Bang - a sexploration of the death of David Carradine

OH SOOOO Many things to write about currently for the Masturbating Catholic. Where to begin?

Ok lets go for the obvious one, since the title of the blog starts with masturbation...Mr. Kung Fu himself, David Carradine - AutoErotic Fatality. For those who live in caves except for to read my blog every now and again, I have some belated news. David Carradine, actor & star of the Kung Fu & more recent bass-ass Tarintino Kill Bill movies, was found dead, hanging in the closet of his Bangkok hotel on June 4, 2009. His arms were tied above his head and his genitals were tied as well.
First a moment of silence... ... ... let it sink in... ... ... hold your breath... ... ... and release.



OK! This is one of my new obsessions (or new sensations - thank you Mr. Hutchence) as of late. It is a very fascinating topic. I mean it involves all the things humans are natural drawn to: sex, scandal, & death. Now normally this is the part of the blog where I make fun of said people's that I'm bringing to you today with my sarcastic wit. However, not in this case...well ok that's a lie...but I am interested in telling you about this very common practice of erotic asphyxia.

What is Auto / Erotic Asphyxia?
Erotic asphyxiation refers to intentionally cutting off oxygen to the brain for sexual arousal. It is also called asphyxiophilia, autoerotic asphyxia, or breath control play, scarfing, or the choking game. Colloquially, a person engaging in the activity is sometimes called a "scarfer" or "gasper". (Which is now my new name for Mr. Carradine, Gasper the horny ghost.)

History: (thank you wikipedia)
"The practice of autoerotic asphyxiation has been documented since the early 1600s. It was first used as a treatment for erectile dysfunction and impotence. The idea for this most likely came from subjects who were executed by hanging. Observers at public hangings noted male victims developed an erection, sometimes remaining after death (death erection), and occasionally ejaculated when being hanged. Note that, however, ejaculation occurs in hanging victims after death because of disseminated muscle relaxation; this is a different mechanism from that sought by AEA (autoerotic asphyxiation) practitioners." WOW. And we though hangings were inhumane and cruel. Wonder how Saddam went out? He seems more of a premature ejaculation type to me. Probably on the walk up to the podium.

Facts & such:
At least 1000 Americans (just think about how many there must be in Germany) die each year from this dirty deed done dirt cheap. And the common belief that it's just horny teen boys, or creepy old men, or serial killers, or rock stars, that do it is completely a myth. However, lots of young adults do try the practice during the course of their natural sexual exploration. Suicide is one of the most common causes of death for teens, however it's believed that many deaths ruled as suicide are actually autoerotic asphyxia. Police investigators may miss signs that might lead them to conclude it was a sexual accident, or family members may "sanitize" the scene before the police show up. They use the word "sanitize" to describe any tampering with a scene, but in this case - removing any pornographic materials, lubrication, sex toys, photos of Dr. Drew Pinsky (Mmm yummy) etc.



Safe ways to Practice:
hmm Not Really. Now I like a good kink just like everybody else and the BDSM community practices of "breathplay" generally include a partner. They use the acronym RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink). Hey nick Rack! Risk-aware? Isn't just regular sex Risk-Aware Sexual Kink? It should be YMDIYDTODA. Which in my community stands for "You may die if you do this. Okay Dumb Ass?"



I myself am a very sexual being and alot of you out there are too. So I've heard your stories. I've heard the "sometimes I like it if he chokes me a little - hehe" talk. I personally like to hang my head slightly off the bed until I feel light-headed and that's just when doing yoga. SO I'm not judging, in fact I am considering going out Gasper style one day when I'm about 115 years old. I think that would be cool. BUT until then BE SAFE. Do NOT hang yourself in your closet to have an orgasm. There are lots of other ways to get off in this day and age. Kids...put down the scarves and go back to stealing your parents alcohol or Ambien (NOT together!), and go back to masturbating the old fashioned way...to dirty pictures on the internet!

And now a word from my father:


Till next time, sinners! Blessed are the bleak.
Your MC, GV.

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All Mothers Need Some Good Lovin

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

"Mother Lover" lyrics

Oh dang..

What is it dawg?

I forgot it’s Mother’s Day.

Didn’t get a gift for her.

Other plans got in the way.
She’ll be so disappointed.

Damn I forgot it too.

This could have been avoided.

What the hell are we gonna do?

My mom’s been so forlorn
Ever since my daddy left.

COLD

No one to hold her tight
Life has put her to the test.

I know just what you mean,
my mom’s been so sad and gray

Word

My dad can’t satisfy her in the bedroom
ever since he passed away.

Hold up.

You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?

I’m thinkin’ I’m thinkin’ too

Slow up

What time is it dawg?

It’s time for a switcharoo

We both love our moms, women with grown women needs
I say we break ‘em off
Show ‘em how much they really mean
’cause I’m a Mother Lover
you’re a Mother Lover
We should f**k each others mothers

F**k each others moms
You’ve seen that place that you came out as a baby
ain’t no doubt that shit is crazy
F**k each others moms

’cause every Mother’s Day needs a Mother’s Night
If doing it is wrong, I don’t wanna be right
I’m callin’ on you ’cause I can’t do it myself
to me your like a brother, so be my mother lover

I’m layin’ in the cut waitin’ for your mom
clutchin’ on this lube and roses

I got my digital camera,
I’m gonna make your momma do a million poses

They will be so surprised

We are so cool and thoughtful

Can’t wait to pork your mom

I’m gonna be the syrup, she can be my waffle

Show’d up

My mother loves bubble bath with chamomile

Straight up

Give it to my mom d - d- d - d- d - d - do**y-style

This the perfect plan
For a perfect Mother’s Day
They have to rename this one
All up under the covers day
‘Cause I’m a Mother Lover
you’re a Mother Lover
We should f**k each others mothers

F**k each others moms
I’ll push in their place
where you came out as a baby
ain’t no doubt that shit is crazy
F**k each others moms

Break it down
It would be my honor to be your new step-father

It would be my honor to be your new step-father

I’ll let you do my mother
make me another brother
and I’m gonna do your mother
I’ll never use a rubber

OH
’cause every Mother’s Day needs a Mother’s Night
If doing it is wrong, I don’t wanna be right
I’m callin’ on you ’cause I can’t do it myself
to me your like a brother, so be my mother lover
They blessed us both with the gift of life
She brought you in this world so I’m a s-e-x her right
This is the second best idea that we’ve ever had
The choice can be no other
Be my mother lover


Mothers are Sinners too,
GV the MC

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I can't wait for Sex with Dr. Drew !

I know I usually rant about some crazy religious or sexual practice but this time it's personal...
My two favorite things are now combining...
Dr. Drew Pinsky & Sex!


In his sexy tight blue dress shirt, Dr. Drew has signed on with VH1 to do a new Celebrity Rehab except this time it's for Sex Addicts! (According to the Hollywood Reporter & Dr. Drew himself on a recent episode of Chelsea Lately when interviewed by Chelsea Handler.)

Anyone who has listened to Dr. Drew on his long running Radio show, Love Line, knows that he is all to familiar with many sexual disorders, diseases, & scenarios. And is sure to give a breadth of knowledge & insight to all of the viewers and hopefully the patients (if their addiction doesn't get them first).

On last season of 'Celebrity Rehab', it was clearly illustrated that the real reason behind many drug/alcohol addictions was due to some sort of sexual or emotional abuse during childhood. Amber Smith, opened up about becoming an escort in order to make money to obtain more drugs & Tawny Kitaen about being sexual assaulted as a child. If you didn't see it, go watch it now on iTunes.

Well this has already happened once with Dr. Drew's after school special show called "Sex with Mom & Dad". On the show, Dr. Drew helps teens & at-home twenty somethings sort out their already blooming sexual problems and opens up communication lines between them and their parents. Another great Dr. Drew project!

Dr. Pinsky is the sexiest doctor I've ever seen and also one of the smartest people I've ever listened to or read, SO, Go get his new book "Mirror Effect" NOW!

Would it kill ya to read something on actual paper and NOT a computer screen for 5 seconds. It's a juicy celebrity dish, easy-read book, and you may actually learn a little about your own narcissism. Yes you are narcissistic too.

And since we're talking about addiction... FUJI MINX "Cat Wine":


Be back soon, Sinners!

Dr. Drew is my God Now!
Your MC,
GV

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