Thursday, February 12, 2009

I Will Follow Him

To my fellow sinners,

Enough Said.
Gv the MC

Thursday, February 5, 2009

The Virgin Whore

What happens in her vagina, stays in her vagina!

So my next story is becoming the all-to-familiar tale of the young girl who wants to auction off her Virginity. Blah Blah Blah. Is a Virginity really worth anything now-a-days? Well apparently... it's worth 3.8 million dollars!!! That's right ladies. Your virginity can pay out better than winning the lottery! It will pay out if you put out! (Damn! If only I would have thought of this one...)

Here's the Story:
The fresh daisy, who goes by the pre-selected stage name of "Natalie Dylan," 22, set up a private auction through the HBO famed, Moonlite Bunny Ranch, a legal brothel in Nevada. This classy joint is obviously helping out a young girl to stand on her own two feet...or lie on her back. The top bid so far is a 39-year-old Australian, who is clearly single and for a reason.

So what's the fetish? Why do so many men find conquering a virgin to be the ultimate pinnacle of manhood? Let's ask the Muslims, shall we? The Muslim call them Houri and are described as "splendid companions of equal age (well-matched)", "lovely eyed" (as opposed to gimp-eyed?!),of "modest gaze","voluptuous","pure beings" or "companions pure" of paradise, denoting humans who enter paradise after being recreated anew in the hereafter.

Well i must admit that does kinda sound nice... but what about the 72 Virgins thing? Well The Prophet Muhammad was overheard saying (Overheard? You know it's not good to get facts from that crazy telephone game!) "The smallest reward for the people of Heaven is an abode where there are eighty thousand servants and seventy-two houri, over which stands a dome decorated with pearls, aquamarine and ruby, as wide as the distance from al-Jabiyyah to San'a." Hmm... so IN heaven, You're rich and have a thousand servants... Who are these servants by the way? Who's the unlucky bastard who gets to heaven and says "Okay I'm ready for my Houri!" and the angel goes "Well um you see, you've been assigned the role of "Servant" for Osama. Sorry about that." Wow.
Anyway so you have 1000 servants (poor bastards!), you're rich with gems (Um Thanks. I mean what is rent expensive in heaven? And who do you barter with to get some cash?)and now you have 72 virgins. Well GREAT! You have 72 women that you have to take care of, that all suck in bed. And I don't mean suck in the way they would like.

I mean that's what this Australian is going to be paying for with this "virgin" prize. Listen, the best sex comes after two people are comfortable with each other and are in-sync to each others sensitivities, nuances, and movements. Not f-ing some frigid, gold-digging, control freak, who's going to not move, or know how to make you feel good in any way, AND be in pain, maybe bleeding, and YOU'RE the one that caused it. You think girl's are bitches on their periods?!

That's assuming she actually IS a Virgin! I for someone to hold onto their Virginity until they were 22 and then want to immediately become a prostitute...that's not adding up for me. ANY girl could very easily fake it. YES, FAKE their virginity! If she didn't bleed, she could easily say that it's b/c she was an active teenager or used tampons. Alot of girls who play sports, ride horses, or bounce too much on their creepy uncle's knees, won't actually have much of a hymen anymore so they won't even bleed. So there's no guarantee that you'll even actually live out your Mother Mary fantasy.

OR if she really like the theatrics, (I'm guessing she does seeing is that her story was on CNN today) there ARE a couple of options to restoring your "virginity".
OPTION #1, Surgery! A Hymenoplasty. There is a fairly simple surgical procedure that will "restore your virginity". The price ranges form $1800-$5000, depending on the complexity of the procedure and how bagged-out the old love box is.

Or for only $14.90, you can buy the Artificial Virginity Hymen.
This seems pretty simple to use:
"Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable."

Wow. I'm down! Okay auctioning my virginity! Any bidders? ;)

I mean seriously folks. Look at how Male Virgins are perceived...nerdy, lack of self confidence, lonely...

And women are seen as the Mother of God! Literally!

So stop it everyone! Stop putting female virgins on pedestals. Let's get serious. NO ONE LIKES VIRGINS!! Let's all say it, "NO ONE LIKES VIRGINS! Let's all stop pretending that there's something special about it and that sex is not fun and better once you've had ALOT of it. Now I'm not suggesting slut-dom either. That's a whole different issue for a different blog. BUT Lots of Sex with your long-term partner of a reasonable intelligence and openness, is the Best Sex. So if you don't have one of those, I suggest looking on eBay for one. They're better than Virgins any day!

That's all for today, my fellow sinners!
xxx Gv your MC

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Seperation of Crotch & State

So here it is ladies, or Prop 8 fellas...I don't think I even have to make fun of this one.

For those who can't Love OBAMA enough....
"Head O State" Obama dildo

7 1/2 inches of the "BIG O", complete with blue balls.

Can't wait for the Obama Real Doll to come out!
BUT WAIT!! I know what you're thinking...But what about a JESUS dildo?! Especially for those who have the Loving Jesus complex we talked about the other day. Well my friends, look no further...

The Jesus dido boasts an "insertable length" of 7-1/4 inches. (Not quite as big as Obama) but it IS Glow-in-the-Dark! For those immaculate conceptions , I guess. This store even has The Devil, a Nun, Buddha, and The Grim Reaper dildo!

And for those who enjoy a little more kink...

There's your sin for the day,
Your MC, Gv