Posts
OH SOOOO Many things to write about currently for the Masturbating Catholic. Where to begin?
Ok lets go for the obvious one, since the title of the blog starts with masturbation...Mr. Kung Fu himself, David Carradine - AutoErotic Fatality. For those who live in caves except for to read my blog every now and again, I have some belated news. David Carradine, actor & star of the Kung Fu & more recent bass-ass Tarintino Kill Bill movies, was found dead, hanging in the closet of his Bangkok hotel on June 4, 2009. His arms were tied above his head and his genitals were tied as well.
First a moment of silence... ... ... let it sink in... ... ... hold your breath... ... ... and release. 
OK! This is one of my new obsessions (or new sensations - thank you Mr. Hutchence) as of late. It is a very fascinating topic. I mean it involves all the things humans are natural drawn to: sex, scandal, & death. Now normally this is the part of the blog where I make fun of said people's that I'm bringing to you today with my sarcastic wit. However, not in this case...well ok that's a lie...but I am interested in telling you about this very common practice of erotic asphyxia.
What is Auto / Erotic Asphyxia?
Erotic asphyxiation refers to intentionally cutting off oxygen to the brain for sexual arousal. It is also called asphyxiophilia, autoerotic asphyxia, or breath control play, scarfing, or the choking game. Colloquially, a person engaging in the activity is sometimes called a "scarfer" or "gasper". (Which is now my new name for Mr. Carradine, Gasper the horny ghost.)
History: (thank you wikipedia)
"The practice of autoerotic asphyxiation has been documented since the early 1600s. It was first used as a treatment for erectile dysfunction and impotence. The idea for this most likely came from subjects who were executed by hanging. Observers at public hangings noted male victims developed an erection, sometimes remaining after death (death erection), and occasionally ejaculated when being hanged. Note that, however, ejaculation occurs in hanging victims after death because of disseminated muscle relaxation; this is a different mechanism from that sought by AEA (autoerotic asphyxiation) practitioners." WOW. And we though hangings were inhumane and cruel. Wonder how Saddam went out? He seems more of a premature ejaculation type to me. Probably on the walk up to the podium.
Facts & such:
At least 1000 Americans (just think about how many there must be in Germany) die each year from this dirty deed done dirt cheap. And the common belief that it's just horny teen boys, or creepy old men, or serial killers, or rock stars, that do it is completely a myth. However, lots of young adults do try the practice during the course of their natural sexual exploration. Suicide is one of the most common causes of death for teens, however it's believed that many deaths ruled as suicide are actually autoerotic asphyxia. Police investigators may miss signs that might lead them to conclude it was a sexual accident, or family members may "sanitize" the scene before the police show up. They use the word "sanitize" to describe any tampering with a scene, but in this case - removing any pornographic materials, lubrication, sex toys, photos of Dr. Drew Pinsky (Mmm yummy) etc. 
Safe ways to Practice:
hmm Not Really. Now I like a good kink just like everybody else and the BDSM community practices of "breathplay" generally include a partner. They use the acronym RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink). Hey nick Rack! Risk-aware? Isn't just regular sex Risk-Aware Sexual Kink? It should be YMDIYDTODA. Which in my community stands for "You may die if you do this. Okay Dumb Ass?"
I myself am a very sexual being and alot of you out there are too. So I've heard your stories. I've heard the "sometimes I like it if he chokes me a little - hehe" talk. I personally like to hang my head slightly off the bed until I feel light-headed and that's just when doing yoga. SO I'm not judging, in fact I am considering going out Gasper style one day when I'm about 115 years old. I think that would be cool. BUT until then BE SAFE. Do NOT hang yourself in your closet to have an orgasm. There are lots of other ways to get off in this day and age. Kids...put down the scarves and go back to stealing your parents alcohol or Ambien (NOT together!), and go back to masturbating the old fashioned way...to dirty pictures on the internet!
And now a word from my father:
Till next time, sinners! Blessed are the bleak.
Your MC, GV.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Going out with a Bang - a sexploration of the death of David Carradine
Monday, May 11, 2009
All Mothers Need Some Good Lovin
"Mother Lover" lyrics
Oh dang..
What is it dawg?
I forgot it’s Mother’s Day.
Didn’t get a gift for her.
Other plans got in the way.
She’ll be so disappointed.
Damn I forgot it too.
This could have been avoided.
What the hell are we gonna do?
My mom’s been so forlorn
Ever since my daddy left.
COLD
No one to hold her tight
Life has put her to the test.
I know just what you mean,
my mom’s been so sad and gray
Word
My dad can’t satisfy her in the bedroom
ever since he passed away.
Hold up.
You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?
I’m thinkin’ I’m thinkin’ too
Slow up
What time is it dawg?
It’s time for a switcharoo
We both love our moms, women with grown women needs
I say we break ‘em off
Show ‘em how much they really mean
’cause I’m a Mother Lover
you’re a Mother Lover
We should f**k each others mothers
F**k each others moms
You’ve seen that place that you came out as a baby
ain’t no doubt that shit is crazy
F**k each others moms
’cause every Mother’s Day needs a Mother’s Night
If doing it is wrong, I don’t wanna be right
I’m callin’ on you ’cause I can’t do it myself
to me your like a brother, so be my mother lover
I’m layin’ in the cut waitin’ for your mom
clutchin’ on this lube and roses
I got my digital camera,
I’m gonna make your momma do a million poses
They will be so surprised
We are so cool and thoughtful
Can’t wait to pork your mom
I’m gonna be the syrup, she can be my waffle
Show’d up
My mother loves bubble bath with chamomile
Straight up
Give it to my mom d - d- d - d- d - d - do**y-style
This the perfect plan
For a perfect Mother’s Day
They have to rename this one
All up under the covers day
‘Cause I’m a Mother Lover
you’re a Mother Lover
We should f**k each others mothers
F**k each others moms
I’ll push in their place
where you came out as a baby
ain’t no doubt that shit is crazy
F**k each others moms
Break it down
It would be my honor to be your new step-father
It would be my honor to be your new step-father
I’ll let you do my mother
make me another brother
and I’m gonna do your mother
I’ll never use a rubber
OH
’cause every Mother’s Day needs a Mother’s Night
If doing it is wrong, I don’t wanna be right
I’m callin’ on you ’cause I can’t do it myself
to me your like a brother, so be my mother lover
They blessed us both with the gift of life
She brought you in this world so I’m a s-e-x her right
This is the second best idea that we’ve ever had
The choice can be no other
Be my mother lover
Mothers are Sinners too,
GV the MC
Sunday, May 3, 2009
I can't wait for Sex with Dr. Drew !
I know I usually rant about some crazy religious or sexual practice but this time it's personal...
My two favorite things are now combining...
Dr. Drew Pinsky & Sex!
In his sexy tight blue dress shirt, Dr. Drew has signed on with VH1 to do a new Celebrity Rehab except this time it's for Sex Addicts! (According to the Hollywood Reporter & Dr. Drew himself on a recent episode of Chelsea Lately when interviewed by Chelsea Handler.)
Anyone who has listened to Dr. Drew on his long running Radio show, Love Line, knows that he is all to familiar with many sexual disorders, diseases, & scenarios. And is sure to give a breadth of knowledge & insight to all of the viewers and hopefully the patients (if their addiction doesn't get them first).
On last season of 'Celebrity Rehab', it was clearly illustrated that the real reason behind many drug/alcohol addictions was due to some sort of sexual or emotional abuse during childhood. Amber Smith, opened up about becoming an escort in order to make money to obtain more drugs & Tawny Kitaen about being sexual assaulted as a child. If you didn't see it, go watch it now on iTunes.
Well this has already happened once with Dr. Drew's after school special show called "Sex with Mom & Dad". On the show, Dr. Drew helps teens & at-home twenty somethings sort out their already blooming sexual problems and opens up communication lines between them and their parents. Another great Dr. Drew project!
Dr. Pinsky is the sexiest doctor I've ever seen and also one of the smartest people I've ever listened to or read, SO, Go get his new book "Mirror Effect" NOW! 
Would it kill ya to read something on actual paper and NOT a computer screen for 5 seconds. It's a juicy celebrity dish, easy-read book, and you may actually learn a little about your own narcissism. Yes you are narcissistic too.
And since we're talking about addiction... FUJI MINX "Cat Wine":
Be back soon, Sinners!
Dr. Drew is my God Now!
Your MC,
GV
Monday, March 23, 2009
Pope BendyDick speaks!
Well its now apparent that the Catholic Church has elected an evil dark lord as the new pope. 
This former "Hitler Youth", clearly wants to start a genocide of the African people by letting them fuck each other to death, based on his comments last week.
Pope Benedict XVI said on his way to Africa Tuesday:
"You can't resolve it with the distribution of condoms, On the contrary, it increases the problem."
Wow. Clearly Pope Bendydick is very knowledgeable in the area of Sex and Contraceptives.
Just like our last great American president, Dubya, who once said:
"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004
I mean seriously. Honestly. I think he is one of the dumbest mother fuckers on the planet (for another, see above), or truly trying to eradicate the population of Africa through an abuse of his power. Anyone who is a leader, especially someone as powerful as "THE POPE" has legions of devout followers that will do whatever their "leader" tells them, even if it can kill them. He has a responsibility to be the ultimate leader, right below God, according to the Catholic Faith. It is outrageous that he would consider even giving health/sex/medical advice unless he was speaking based on knowledge and not on control and ego. What evidence and what study has EVER shown that distributing condoms increases AIDS?! In fact, studies have shown that distributing condoms does Not even increase sex amongst the group they were distributed to.
SO I ask you again, What are his motives? Hey Bill O'Reilly! You speak up against Rap music and people like Marilyn Manson who YOU think teach our children to harm others and themselves, yet you reprimanded the press last year for "disrespecting" Pope Benedict. How about speaking out against the Pope NOW? Until you do, here's one of my favorite videos TO BILL O'Reilly:
(If the video above is unavailable try watching it again later)
Please share your thoughts.
Peace out Sinners,
xxx MC GV