Have you ever googled the term "Loving Jesus"?
I'm sure you're trying it now, and you should.
It's the Children of God/Family International religion's (aka cult) term used to describe their sexual relationship with Jesus. That's right! Their SEXUAL relationship with Jesus.
I first came across this term when pondering the variety of strange and exotic things that people fantasize about, I thought, there must be women who fantasize about Jesus. I mean, who has better abs and is more powerful than the lord almighty himself? He's the original rockstar and his style rehashed by bands for nearly 2000 years. If Kurt Cobain and the Black Crowes have had swarms of groupies throwing themselves at their feet, surely Jesus has. Kurt Cobain is the #1 selling artist year after year, now beating Elvis, but no one sells more books than Jesus!
So I started my research, scouring the web for Jesus groupies or "messiah dates". I found miscellaneous women who admitted to thinking about the lord in a sexual or hot way (jokingly and not). The recent movie, "Hamlet 2" has the Irish-Catholic, Steve Coogan as the lord singing songs like "Rock Me Sexy Jesus".
But none were as satisfyingly creepy as the data I gathered on the "Loving Jesus" doctrine (introduced in 1995) from the wholesome and moral minds of the Children of God founder David Berg, and current leader Karen Zerby (Ber's widow).They deem it a "bridal theology" and takes this practice further than other Christians (Yes, other Christian sects practice something similar but not as extreme.) by encouraging ALL (young & old, women & men) members to imagine that Jesus is having sex with them during sexual intercourse and masturbation. Hmm. What if Jesus isn't your type?! That's gonna put a damper on this isn't it?
So wait! Not only are women supposed to fantasize about Jesus, but the men are too?! isn't that forcing all men to fantasize about homosexual sex? Which I quite enjoy, but Christians are taught that the Bible basically says "Gays are Evil!" and homosexuality in the The Family International religion warrants excommunication. So how does that work? Well the good founders have thought of that one already. Here's the solution: During intercourse, men are simply supposed to imagine themselves as a woman! That is why there's nothing gay about it! Uh....
Besides fantasizing about Jesus, all members are instructed to say "love words," or talk dirty, to Jesus as they are having sex. Karen Zerby has published a list of sexually explicit expressions that her followers should use during their booty call with Jesus.
Read the list of "Love Words to Jesus" here. I love dirty talk, but this may even be too sick for me!
Okay yes, this is strange and a bit unorthodox from the way I was raised, but hey they're not hurting anyone with their kinky exaltation. Are they? While "The Family of Love" makes regular claims that the sexual aspects of Loving Jesus are for adults only, since its inception, all aspects of the doctrine have been taught to and encouraged for to children from age 14 and sometimes 12. Don't worry, they of course don't have the same dirty talk vernacular that the adults (16 and up) do.
The fact that children are involved in their Octopus'Garden with Jesus, led to numerous reports of child abuse. Family leadership admitted that some children were abused from 1978 until 1986, then created policies prohibiting excessive discipline or any sexual contact between adults and minors. But when they enacted these policies and what these policies were, seems to be a clusterfuck off mangled answers. similar to a G.W. Bush press conference. The group also has a policy of not turning child abusers over to civil authorities, and only excommunicating members who abused children after July 1989. So I guess all those molested and abused before 1989, just have bad luck.
Oh there's plenty more gems from this creed. Not to be confused with the just as disturbing Creed, led by Christian rocker and veneral vicar, Scott Stapph infection.
If you want to know more, before my next glorious post on the group, read all about the "The Family" at their own website and even the practice itself. Which I do add they brilliantly have found erotic Bible verses to justify their doctrine. Genius!
Peace be with you fellow sinners,
Gv the MC