Wednesday, January 28, 2009

"Loving Jesus" scares me!

Have you ever googled the term "Loving Jesus"?
I'm sure you're trying it now, and you should.

It's the Children of God/Family International religion's (aka cult) term used to describe their sexual relationship with Jesus. That's right! Their SEXUAL relationship with Jesus.

I first came across this term when pondering the variety of strange and exotic things that people fantasize about, I thought, there must be women who fantasize about Jesus. I mean, who has better abs and is more powerful than the lord almighty himself? He's the original rockstar and his style rehashed by bands for nearly 2000 years. If Kurt Cobain and the Black Crowes have had swarms of groupies throwing themselves at their feet, surely Jesus has. Kurt Cobain is the #1 selling artist year after year, now beating Elvis, but no one sells more books than Jesus!

So I started my research, scouring the web for Jesus groupies or "messiah dates". I found miscellaneous women who admitted to thinking about the lord in a sexual or hot way (jokingly and not). The recent movie, "Hamlet 2" has the Irish-Catholic, Steve Coogan as the lord singing songs like "Rock Me Sexy Jesus".

But none were as satisfyingly creepy as the data I gathered on the "Loving Jesus" doctrine (introduced in 1995) from the wholesome and moral minds of the Children of God founder David Berg, and current leader Karen Zerby (Ber's widow).They deem it a "bridal theology" and takes this practice further than other Christians (Yes, other Christian sects practice something similar but not as extreme.) by encouraging ALL (young & old, women & men) members to imagine that Jesus is having sex with them during sexual intercourse and masturbation. Hmm. What if Jesus isn't your type?! That's gonna put a damper on this isn't it?

So wait! Not only are women supposed to fantasize about Jesus, but the men are too?! isn't that forcing all men to fantasize about homosexual sex? Which I quite enjoy, but Christians are taught that the Bible basically says "Gays are Evil!" and homosexuality in the The Family International religion warrants excommunication. So how does that work? Well the good founders have thought of that one already. Here's the solution: During intercourse, men are simply supposed to imagine themselves as a woman! That is why there's nothing gay about it! Uh....

Besides fantasizing about Jesus, all members are instructed to say "love words," or talk dirty, to Jesus as they are having sex. Karen Zerby has published a list of sexually explicit expressions that her followers should use during their booty call with Jesus.
Read the list of "Love Words to Jesus" here. I love dirty talk, but this may even be too sick for me!

Okay yes, this is strange and a bit unorthodox from the way I was raised, but hey they're not hurting anyone with their kinky exaltation. Are they? While "The Family of Love" makes regular claims that the sexual aspects of Loving Jesus are for adults only, since its inception, all aspects of the doctrine have been taught to and encouraged for to children from age 14 and sometimes 12. Don't worry, they of course don't have the same dirty talk vernacular that the adults (16 and up) do.

The fact that children are involved in their Octopus'Garden with Jesus, led to numerous reports of child abuse. Family leadership admitted that some children were abused from 1978 until 1986, then created policies prohibiting excessive discipline or any sexual contact between adults and minors. But when they enacted these policies and what these policies were, seems to be a clusterfuck off mangled answers. similar to a G.W. Bush press conference. The group also has a policy of not turning child abusers over to civil authorities, and only excommunicating members who abused children after July 1989. So I guess all those molested and abused before 1989, just have bad luck.

Oh there's plenty more gems from this creed. Not to be confused with the just as disturbing Creed, led by Christian rocker and veneral vicar, Scott Stapph infection.

If you want to know more, before my next glorious post on the group, read all about the "The Family" at their own website and even the practice itself. Which I do add they brilliantly have found erotic Bible verses to justify their doctrine. Genius!

Peace be with you fellow sinners,
Gv the MC


  1. Very interesting article. I'd never have thought of religious people thinking of having sexual relations with the savior. Makes me fantasize about hot MILF Mary! :p

  2. O.O!!!!! I don't know about this! extrange.I need investigate about this.
    Anyway, for me...Jesus...well I don't agree with so many things about Jesus and Church.
    I have my own theory.

    ^^ Kisses Greta! Have a wonderfull day!


  3. pretty twisted!! but not shocking all-together, since every cult is twisted in its interpretation of the love of God. The only thing I find cloudy in your blog is the statement "They deem it a "bridal theology" and takes this practice further than other Christians ", which alludes that the Christian church, itself, has this sexual fascination with Christ. Maybe you were only emphasizing the variety of "sects" seemingly branched off the Christian church? But, that in and of itself is a farce simply because sects are typically cults. If its a cult, there's nothing "Christian" about it, regardless of whether their core beliefs refer to Christ. By stating that the Family of God simply "takes it further" than other Christians indicates there are commonalities in the mentality. I only want to point out that this is absolutely NOT TRUE. As much as Satan is the anti-thesis of Christ, so is a cult the anti-thesis of the real Church. One brings death while the other brings life.

  4. Yeah, it's hard to get down with child molestation. Unless the kids are REALLY cute. (I'm kidding, come on!) But beyond that, let's look on the bright side of this "loving Jesus" movement. As a fellow recovering catholic, one of my biggest issues with many organized religions is repression. But how repressed can you be if you fantasize about fucking Jesus? I'd like to think I'm just kinky enough, this could work for me... at least if I get to play Jesus in the role play. "Yes! Yes! I'm going to come unto you." BTW, my favorite line from "love words to Jesus" was "My pussy is excited for you, Jesus!" I'm sorry, but as I guy? Anytime any woman's pussy is excited for me, that's a plus. If I have to wear a Jesus wig and constantly turn the other cheek during foreplay, I'm game. The only issue would be if my Jesus loving partner wants me to fantasize about The Christ, too. I'll admit, I have plenty of fantasies going through my head when I'm with my girlfriend. After 8 years in a relationship, that's about the only way it works. But I really don't think I could get off to a fantasy about a man in a beard. Maybe I could make Jesus transgender? I think Penelope Cruz would make a hot female Christ!

  5. In response to Elizabeths comments. The definition of a cult actually encompasses any religion by stating that it is a 'system of religious veneration and devotion directed toward a particular figure or object', so by default Christianity is a cult. Just because it is the cult that you personally believe in doesn't save it from being defined in this way. Furthermore to say that a cult is the antithesis of the real church is an oxymoron as they are both defined as the same thing. Indeed to declare anything to be 'the real church' is doing something that by any decree would be deemed ingenuous. Your eagerness to separate your own beliefs from what is seen to be 'crazy' should make you take a second look as to how your own belief system appears to those who don't share it. Being a Christian, or which ever sect you are associated with (which by the way brings your belief system completely congruent with any definition of cult) leads to you expressing your undying love for Jesus and God, so for someone to say that thinking about fucking jesus 'takes it a step further' would be seemingly befitting.